Cười Cho Vui

Letter home from school... Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.
________________ Reply from dad...
Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:28PM

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, then when you
see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered
that.

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:33PM

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the
wrong man."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:34PM


Bernie goes to a friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, precedes every request to his wife with terms of endearment, calling her "Honey... My Love... Darling... Sweetheart... Pumpkin..." etc.
Bernie looks at Morris and remarks: "It's really nice that, after all these years, you still call your wife by those corny pet names."
Morris hangs his head and whispers:" To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:38PM

Xin cac ban post len day nhung chuyen cuoi ngan dde^? chung ta cung Cuoi cho Vui va` Cho Que^n...Hoac binh-luan ve chuyen cuoi trong box chang han..nu cuoi la~ng xe.t..nu cuoi tho.c ca` le't... vv
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:42PM

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
Treasure every moment that you have!

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:44PM

The dean of women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of
pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:48PM

"Viagra" This man got his prescription for Viagra (a drug used against impotence) and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone and she says, "I'll be home in an hour." "Perfect," she replies. The Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before they're ready for the act. He takes the Viagra and waits. An hour goes by and the man is ready to go, but no wife. His wife calls him on the phone and says, "Traffic is terrible. I can't be there for another hour!" The man, frustrated, calls his doctor for advice. "What should I do?" The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?" "Yes," the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" The man sighed, "But with her, I don't need Viagra!"
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 12 2000 6:55PM

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 13 2000 6:54AM

"You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 13 2000 6:56AM

what is the strongest muscle in our body?

1. Heart
2. Biceps / arm
3. Thigh / leg
4. Jaw muscle

-----> A: #4
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 13 2000 7:04AM

Nu. cu+o+`i na`o cu~ng tha^.t y' nhi. va` tha^.t la` hay ddo', Kie^'m o+? dda^u ra ta`i the^' anh Kha?i?
Co`n rie^ng nu. cu+o+`i Viagra thi` ne^n da`nh cho ma^'y ba'c dze^ gia`, dze^ non co+? ba'c Khang, ba'c Vie^.t, ba'c Pha'n hay ba'c Cha^'n enjoy thi` ho+n..
Ne^'u V3 ho^m nay ma` ddo.c ddu+o+.c ma^'y nu. cu+o+`i "ba^'t kha? xa^m pha.m" na`y thi` cha('c cha('n kho^ng dde^? ye^n cho anh Kha?i ro^`i. Anh V, anh Cha^'n dda^u mau mau ra tie^'p tay ddi chu+'!
-Quy`nh Hoa, Apr 13 2000 8:46AM

-Arnold Schwartzenegger has a big one,
-Michael J. Fox has a small one,
-Madonna doesn't have one,
-The Pope has one but doesn't use it,
-Clinton uses his all the time,
-Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
-Liberace didn't use his with women,
-Jerry Seinfeld is very proud of his,
-We never saw Lucy use Desi's

What is it? .......


A: ....... A last name

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 13 2000 5:18PM

DA o+i, rie^ng ca'i anh cha`ng ni, ra(n ma` QH tha^'y no' ho+i lo`a lo.a ddo' nghen, a?nh post msg le^n ma` khi co' ngu+o+`i muo^'n ho?i chie^.n a?nh, thi` a?nh la.i nga^.m ca^m tra? lo+`i tie^'ng Anh, tie^'ng DDu+'c cha? ai hie^?u gi` ca?, trong circle mi`nh chi? co' hai me^., ho^?ng ly' a?nh so+. me^. DA ta.t a't xi't hay sao dda^y chu+'??
DA, anh Cha^'n, hay anh Pha'n co' ai bie^'t thi` la`m o+n ma'ch nu+o+'c du`m. Xin dda ta.
-Quy`nh Hoa, Apr 14 2000 8:25PM

O+'i anh kha?i o+i, cho+' co' so+. DA ta.t acid, no'i ho^?ng pha?i khoe chu+' tre^n ddo+`i na`y ho^?ng co'(ve~) ai hie^`n ba(`ng DA he^'t a'..kho^ng tin ho?i anh Tha?o coi.....
-cao thu?(toronto), Apr 14 2000 8:46PM

Anh Tha?o dza^~n chu+a hie^?u y' dda`n boa` con ghe^' gi` he^'t tro+n he^'t tro.i, ba~o dda~m ai mo+` hie^?u y' dden, y' bo'ng cu?a QH tui thi` tui se~ thu+o+?ng mo^.t no^`i canh sua (hay so) ddu~a lie^`n!!!
Hello qui' dzi.!
-Quy`nh Hoa, Apr 14 2000 9:06PM

Nha`'tu' na`y lo.a thie^.t!
Mo+'i co' mo^.t to^ ma` coi bo^...'xu+`ng, xu+`ng ro^`i'!
No'i ca'i 'i'' dden cu?a QH ddi nha` tha^`y o+i; no^`i sua ddu~a na^'u thi.t bo` ha^'p da^~n la('m.
Ma` nho+' la` :" Con boa` co+' co' boa mu+o+i ho+ co+' reng." a` nhe. Thi.t con boa` na`y tho+m la('m!!
-Chan, Apr 15 2000 6:28AM

After a brief affair with the doctor is over, the nurse informed him that she's pregnant. The doctor does not want his wife to know (of course) so he gave the nurse a lump sump of money and ask her to go to Italy to has the baby, the nurse agreed and wonder how she can let the doctor know when the baby come. The doctor told her to send him a post card with the word SPAGHETTI and off she went.
One day when he was in his office , the wife called and told him that he has received a post card with a very strange message that she could not make any out of that. The doctor assured his wife and told her that he will come home and explain thing to her. He went home, read the post card, had a heart attacked and die.
The post card said "SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI...2 with saussages and meatballs...2 without"
Spaghetti.....anyone.?
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 15 2000 3:54PM

RE: Tha?o's message
Hi`...hi`.....Ca'i na`y la` to^? tra'c DA vie^'t ma` que^n ky" te^n....soooooorrrrrryyyyyyy...
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 15 2000 3:58PM

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when
one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory
clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest
psychological techniques: visualization, association. It was
great."

"Wow! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you
call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the
name of that memory clinic?"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 16 2000 10:17PM

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
"How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.
In a condescending manner she responds, "Which Barbie?
We have ...
Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95
Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95
Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95
Barbie Goes to the Beach for 19.95
Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95
and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's obvious," the assistant states,
"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 17 2000 5:50PM

It's seem to me that Barbie got a good lawyer and Ken got a lousy one.
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 17 2000 6:03PM

Chac co le~ Barbie so^' he^n va` Ken so^' xui . Qu'y vi. dda`n o^ng ne^n dde^` pho`ng co^ na`o te^n la` Barbie hoa(.c co' ne't gio^'ng Barbie nhe' !
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 18 2000 6:00AM


Water is composed of 2 gins : Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is Pure Gin . Hydrogin is Gin and Water .

Gin Claude Phan Dam
-PHAN(Toronto), Apr 18 2000 12:45PM


To keep milk from turning sour : Keep it in the cow !

DDo^` Farmer
-PHAN(Toronto), Apr 18 2000 12:47PM


Easy Explanation :
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon . All water tends towards the Moon , because there is no water in the Moon , and Nature abhors a vacuum . I forgot where the Sun joins in this fight !


-PHAN(Toronto), Apr 18 2000 12:51PM


Quack Doctor 's Quotations :

-- For a Nose Bleed : Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops .

-- For Head Cold : Use an Agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat .

-- To remove dust from the eye : Pull the eye down over the nose !

-- Blood flows down one leg and up the other .

-- When you breathe , you Inspire . When you cheat , you Perspire . When you do not breathe , you Expire !

-- The skeleton is what left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off . The purpose of the Skeleton is something to Hitch meat to !

Dr Dam ( aka The Dam(n) Doctor )
-PHAN(Toronto), Apr 18 2000 1:07PM

"Hating people is like burning your own house down to get rid of a rat."

DDo^` Khi? gio' .
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 18 2000 3:48PM

The Deck of Cards

This is a story about a soldier in the North Africa Campaign in World War II. After heavy fighting the men returned to camp. The next day being Sunday, the Chaplain had set up church service. The men were asked to take out their Bibles or prayer book. The chaplain noticed one soldier looking at a deck of cards. After the service he was taken by the Chaplain to see the Major. The Chaplain explained to the Major of what he had seen.

The Major told the young soldier how he would have to be punished if he could not explain himself. The young soldier told the Major that during the battle he had neither a Bible or prayer book so he would use his deck of cards and explained...........

* "You see Sir, when I look at the Ace, it tells me that there is one God and no other.

* When I see the 2 , it reminds me there is two parts of the Bible, the Old and New Testaments.

* The 3 tells me of the Trinity, of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

* The 4 reminds me of the four Gospels, There was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

* When I see the 5, it tells me of the five unwise virgins who were lost and five were saved.

* The 6 makes me mindful that God created the earth in just six days, and God said that it was good so He rested on the 7th day.

* As I look at the 8, God destroyed all life by water except eight people. There was Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives.

* When I see the 9, I think of the nine lepers that God healed.

* There were ten in all but only one stopped to Thank Him.

* The 10 tells me of the "Ten Commandments" carved in stone by the hand of God.

* The Jack makes me remember the prince of darkness. Like a roaring lion that devours those he can.

* When I look at the Queen, I see blessed Mary, Mother of Jesus.

* As I look at the last card I see the KING, this reminds me Jesus is the Lord of Lords and King of Kings!

* There are 365 spots on the cards, the number of days in a year.

* There are 52 cards to a deck, the number of weeks in a year.

* There are 12 picture cards, the number of months in a year.

* There are 4 suite, the number of seasons of the year.

* There are 13 cards to a suit, the total number of apostles (including Matthias)."

.........And so the young soldier then said to the Major, "You see Sir that my intentions were honorable. My deck of cards serves as my Bible, Prayer
book and Almanac."


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 19 2000 10:57AM

"The secret of patience: To do something else in the meantime."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 20 2000 7:12AM

I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 20 2000 7:27AM

~ A Little Viagra ~

An 80 year old man went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The old man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The pharmacist said "That won't do you any good."
The old man said "That's all right. I don't need them for sex anymore I'm too old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 20 2000 7:34AM

Nha^n le^~ Phuc-Sinh, gu+?i ca'c ba.n 1 chuye^.n kho^ng cu+o+`i :

There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of root beer, and he started his journey. When he had gone about three
blocks, he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened
his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he
noticed that the old lady looked hungry so he offered her a Twinkie. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered her
a root beer. Once again, she smiled at him. The boy was delighted!

They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word. As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps; he turned around, ran back to the old woman, and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later; his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I had lunch with God. But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, "Mother,what did you do today that made you so happy?"

She replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." But before her son responded, she added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.. Embrace all equally!

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 21 2000 8:25AM

What's the different between a vision ang a sight?
-When my wife gets dressedup for a party she looks like a version.
- When she wakes up in the morning she is a sight.
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 21 2000 4:36PM

The most important thing in the relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.
The most effective way to remenber your wife's (lover's) birthday is to forget it once.....
For a lot of people, marriage is a THREE-RING circus:
-The engagement ring
-The wedding ring
-....and the ....SUFFERING....

Do not marry a person that you know you can live with, only marry someone that you can not live without.

They say marriages are made in heaven, but don't forget, so are thunder and lightning

Love is BLIND and Marriage is the....EYE-OPENER

May your life be long and useful like a roll of toilet paper.
May your trouble be like the very old man's teeth....few and far between.

Courtship is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog.
Marriage is what actually comes up in your garden.

Success is getting what you want
Happiness is wanting what you get.

That's all, hope you're all enjoy it.
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 21 2000 4:55PM

Correction ....."...like a vision" not version.
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 21 2000 4:57PM

DDo^` Xa`m o+i, nha` ngu+o+i sa('p la^'y vo+., nho+' ap' du.ng thu+? coi ca^u na`y cu?a DA co' ddu'ng kho^ng nhe' :
The most effective way to remenber your wife's birthday is to forget it once.....
For a lot of people, marriage is a THREE-RING circus:
-The engagement ring
-The wedding ring
-....and the ....SUFFERING....

WAIT and SEE !

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 21 2000 6:11PM

"HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure, I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not" I replied ...

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 23 2000 9:59AM

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at
the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would
have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To
avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"
Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45."



-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 24 2000 6:39AM

"The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you're swimming and...
when you're angry."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 24 2000 8:17AM

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to
come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 25 2000 6:05AM

O^ng chu? tie^.m tra'i ca^y tha^'y kha'ch cu?a mi`nh la` mo^.t co^ na`ng dde.p nhu+ tie^n, be`n ddon dda? mo+`i :
-Cha`o co^, tra'i ca^y ho^m nay ngon la('m , co^ tha ho^` ma` lu+.a !
Co^ kha'ch mi?m cu+o+`i ro^`i to+'i gian ha`ng chuo^'i lu+.a to+'i lu+.a lui, tra'i na`o co^ cu~ng na('n va`i ca'i. Sau cu`ng co^ lu+.a ddu+o+.c mo^.t na~i chuo^'i tro`n da`i va` xinh tu+o+i.
DDe^'n khi tra? tie^`n , o^ng chu? hie^.u tra'i ca^y no'i :
-Thu+a ba`, to^?ng co^.ng la` 10 ddo^`ng ta^'t ca? .
Co^ kha'ch kho^ng da^'u ddu+o+.c nga.c nhie^n ho?i va(n :
-Ta.i sao lu'c na?y o^ng go.i to^i la` CO^, ba^y gio+` go.i to^i la` BA`. Chi? trong vo`ng ma^'y phu't to^i gia` ho+n sao ?
O^ng chu? hie^.u bi`nh-ti?nh :
-Ba` va^~n tre? dde.p nhu+ mo+'i bu+o+'c va`o tie^.m, nhu+ng khi nhi`n ba`n tay ba` na('n no't tra'i chuo^'i, to^i bie^'t lu'c ban dda^`u go.i CO^ la` to^i dda~ la^`m.
(Muo^'n tha^'y na?i chuo^'i ma` ba` kha'ch dda~ lu+.a, mo+`i va`o Fruits in VN, cho.n Na?i chuo^'i)
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 25 2000 2:01PM

Cu~ng vi` ba` kha'ch dda(.c-bie^.t na`y ma` o^ng chu? tie^.m pha?i treo mo^.t ta^'m ba?ng ngay gian-ha`ng chuo^'i nhu+ sau :

Cu`ng nu+~ kha'ch ha`ng tha^n-me^'n :
Mua chuo^'i xin lu+.a ba(`ng
ma('t, ddu+`ng so+` tay va`o chuo^'i, chuo^'i se~ bi. me^`m kho^ng ba'n ddu+o+.c.
Ai so+` va`o tra'i chuo^'i na`o pha?i la^'y tra'i chuo^'i ddo', ba^'t ke^? chuo^'i kho^ hay chuo^'i cau, chuo^'i lo+'n hay nho? , dde^`u ddo^`ng gia' ca?. Ki'nh ca'o .

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 26 2000 7:39AM

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"

Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 26 2000 7:40AM

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called
him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my
mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. . . no."

"--or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted,

"--or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation,"leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea. . ."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again:
"--so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 27 2000 7:46AM


FOR SALE :

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britanica - 45 Volumes . Exellent condition . $ 400 or Best Offer .
No longer needed . ( Got married last weekend, wife knows everything) .
Please call : 1(976)Hello-bye
-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:23PM


Woman to woman :

It begins when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in the sink .


-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:24PM


Man to man :

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interupt her .
-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:27PM


Girl to girl :

There are easier things in life than finding a good man ... like nailing jello to a tree, for instance.


-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:30PM


Boy to boy :

There are Two theories to arguing with woman . Neither one works.


-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:31PM


By all means marry . If you get a good wife, you're be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher ... and that is a good thing for any man - Socrates.


-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:34PM



Make Love , Not War .
Hell , Do both , Get married !


-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:39PM



Marriage is much like communism
It works best and only in theory
-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:40PM



After a quarrel, husband said to wife, " I was a fool when I married you. " she replied " Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice ".


-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:43PM



Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm,
But it takes a man to fake a whole relationshop .


-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:44PM



And finally :

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes . There's too much fraternizing with the enemy .
Henry Kissinger.

-Viet (Dduc), Apr 28 2000 9:46PM

Ye^u

Ye^u nhau chi? mo^.t ca'i nhi`n
Cu~ng la`m da^`y ca? suo^'i ti`nh da('m say

Ye^u nhau chi? ca'i na('m tay
Ve^` nha` co`n nho+' de^m nga`y que^n a(n

Ye^u nhau thoang thoa?ng hu+o+ng kha(n
Ma` ga^y mu`i nho+' go^'i cha(n da~ tu+`ng

Ye^u nhau le^n nu'i va`o ru+`ng
Mo` trai da'y bie^?n de^? mu+`ng em vui

Ye^u nhau hai du+'a lui cui
Cha(?ng la`m gi` he^'t cu~ng vui la('m ro^`i

Ye^u nhau du` do'i ca.o no^`i
Ba't co+m chia nu+?a co`n lo+`i na`o ho+n

Ye^u nhau ai ti'nh thie^.t ho+n
Ti`nh nhu+ bie^?n lo+'n tie^`n ho+n vu~ng la^`y

Ye^u nhau nhu+ gio' ga(.p ma^y
Du` ngu cu~ng gio?i du` ca^y cu~ng ti`nh

V3
-Quy`nh Hoa, Apr 28 2000 10:59PM

Wife to husband:
I'm always right, even when I'm wrong I'm still right
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 29 2000 6:08AM

The man life is not complete until he is married and then...he finished.
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), Apr 29 2000 6:09AM

Thi` ra ca'c ba'c dde^`u co' ma'u Te^'u he^'t . Ma'u na`y hay la^y va` la`m ye^u ddo+`i . Ai va`o TV-CVA ecircles ma` kho^ng co' ma'u te^'u thi` se~ tha^'y la.c lo~ng la('m. Nho+' truye^`n ma'u cho ho. nhe'.
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Apr 29 2000 6:53AM

Two nuns went out of their convent for a walk. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It was getting dark and they were still far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.
What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follows us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives
at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then
Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down !!

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 1 2000 7:54PM

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.

"Sidney thought of everything", she told them. "Just before he died,
Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes."

"Tillie," he told me. "I have put all my last wishes in these three
envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have
instructed. Then I can rest in peace."

"What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.

"The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket'. So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a
comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably."

"The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral'. I made Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for when we began shiva."

"And the third envelope?" asked her friends.

"The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone'. At that point, Tillie held up her hand and pointed to her ring finger, on which was a ten carat diamond ring. "So", said Tillie, "You like my stone?"


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 3 2000 7:27AM

Little Joe walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer.

"Dad," said Joe, "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?"

Dad nodded.

"Well, the good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 3 2000 7:48PM

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles ..... the salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?".

He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper.

So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!"


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 25 2000 9:22PM

Sau khi kha'm xong xuo^i, ba'c si~ ca(n da(.n mo^.t be^.nh nha^n quen thuo^.c :
- Ta^'t ca? bo^. pha^.n trong ngu*o*`i o^ng hie^.n gio*` dde^`u to^'t ca? . Be^.nh cu?a o^ng do tri' tu*o*?ng tu*o*.ng ma` ra . To^i tha^'y ho^`i na`y tinh tha^`n cu?a o^ng bi. xuo^'ng qua', bo*?i the^' o^ng dda^m ra bi quan . To^i khuye^n o^ng ne^n ca ha't va` vui cu*o*`i nhie^`u cho ddo*`i tu*o*i tre? la.i, nha^'t la` lu'c o^ng ddang la`m vie^.c me^.t nho.c ... A`, hie^.n gio*` o^ng ddang la`m nghe^` gi` nhi? ?
Be^.nh nha^n ue^? oa?i dda'p :
- Da., to^i la`m nghe^` khie^ng ddo`n dda'm ma .
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 25 2000 9:30PM

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats!"


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 27 2000 3:36PM

He..e...e...he....e....e....e....
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), May 28 2000 10:21AM

Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands.

The first says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it.
I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren't mine!"

The second says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it.
I found a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my sewing needle!"

The third woman gasped, turned white, and fainted.

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 28 2000 4:05PM

Good one.
-Ti' DDang A(n (Scra), May 28 2000 8:08PM

Kathy and Suzy are having a conversation during there lunch
break.

Kathy asks, "So, Suzy, how's your sex life these days?"

Suzy replies, "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind."

"Social Security?" Kathy asked quizzically.

"Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live
on."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 30 2000 3:45PM

Kathy and Suzy are having a conversation during there lunch
break.

Kathy asks, "So, Suzy, how's your sex life these days?"

Suzy replies, "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind."

"Social Security?" Kathy asked quizzically.

"Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live
on."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), May 30 2000 3:45PM

Bill's barn burned down and his wife, Lynn, called the insurance company.

Lynn spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand, and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of SIMILAR worth."

There was a long pause, and then Lynn replied, "If that's how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband."


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Jun 1 2000 10:01PM

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.
"After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn't you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted.
"Yes, " she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him."
"And when was that?"
"When he asked for his second cup."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Jun 3 2000 9:25AM



Two old men sitting in the park talking, the subject turned to getting older . The first man said: " Women have all the luck when it comes getting older "
" What do you mean " asked the second man. " Well ", replied the first, " I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever "
" Healthier ? How is that ? " his buddy wondered .
" Years ago, when we were younger, almost everynight before bed , she'd get these terrible headaches" He answered , " Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years " .

!!!


-Viet (Dduc), Jun 16 2000 9:35AM

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy
fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The
depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple, and at the end of the day I sold the apple for 10 cents.

"The next morning, I invested that 10 cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 p.m. for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated the vast sum of $1.37.”

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Jun 17 2000 5:57AM

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
hands.
"Actually, no", the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him", she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I
can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message", she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him", she whispers, "there's no toilet paper or hand soap in the
ladies' room."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Jun 25 2000 6:54PM


"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Jul 28 2000 5:29PM

Two doctors open offices in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors."
This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
No go, so they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics."
Thumbs down again, so they tried "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives."
Still not good, so they tried "Minds and Behinds."
Unacceptable again, so they tried "Lost Souls and Ass-holes."
Still no go.
"Analysis and Anal Cysts."
"Queers and Rears."
"Nuts and Butts."
"Freaks and Cheeks."
"Loons and Moons..." all were rejected.
So they finally settled on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones; Odds and Ends."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 11 2000 9:57PM

After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, the husband
looked over at his wife and said, "How come you never make
love to me like that?"

"Are you kidding me?? Do you have any idea how much they pay those people to do that??"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Apr 26 2000 7:00PM

A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. So, they spent the night together. In the morning, before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment
"Rent for Apartment."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:

"Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat;
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the following
reply:

"Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Apr 27 2000 8:10AM

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he became
comfortable, the doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put
on his slippers and robe, and went to the door.

A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any
brushes. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and
the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped
on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard
porcelain bathtub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street
clothes and, with every move a stab of pain, drove to the
doctor.

After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been
lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax. Why don't
you go home and take a long hot bath?"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 1 2000 8:08PM

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far
from the stage.

He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to
watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give
you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands
the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents.

The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and
whispers, "The wife did it."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 2 2000 7:42AM

A man approached a beautiful young woman in a supermarket
and asked, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can
you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife
appears out of nowhere."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 2 2000 7:43AM

Little Johnny had never had sex in his life, so his buddy Billy told him that he'd take him to a girl that would teach him a few
things. He agrees.

Later, Little Johnny's in a room with the girl. She takes off her
clothes, and asks him, "Do you know what I want?"

Little Johnny says, quite honestly, "No."

She lies down on the bed, and asks him the same question again.

Again he answers, "No."

Now, she's not sure exactly what to do, so she spreads her legs all the way spread-eagle! She asks, "Now do you know what I want?"

Little Johnny answers, "Yeah. You want the whole damned bed to yourself."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 4 2000 12:50PM

Co' mo^.t cha`ng trai le^n ru+`ng kie^'m ddu+o+.c ga'nh cu?i na(.ng. Tre^n ddu*o*`ng ve^`, cha(?ng may va pha?i mo^.t tha^`y lang. Tha^`y gia^.n du+~ gio+ tay le^n ti'nh dda'nh thi` cha`ng trai lie^`n vang lo+n:
- Tha^`y du`ng cha^n ma` dda'nh to^i, xin cho+' du`ng tay ! .
Tha^`y Lang tuy tu+'c gia^.n, nhu+ng la^'y la. lie^`n ho?i ta.i sao.
Cha`ng trai lie^`n tra? lo+`i:
- Da., vi` con nghe danh cu?a tha^`y la^u la('m ro^`i. Ne^'u tha^`y du`ng cha^n ma` dda' thi` kho^ng sao, cho+' ma` tha^`y dda~ ddo^.ng tay va`o mo^.t ca'i, thi` co' nu+o+'c che^'t ma` tho^i.
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 25 2000 9:39PM

Two little girls were sitting in the lunchroom of an elementary school in Beverly Hills.

"Guess what," one said. "Mommy's getting married again, so I'll have a new daddy."

"Really," said the other girl. "Who's she marrying?"

"Winston James, the famous director."

"Oh, you'll like him," the other girl exclaimed. "He was my daddy last year."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 27 2000 3:27PM

Man of the world and naive bride on wedding night. He displays his member and tells her it's the only one in the world. She, of course, believes him! He's gone for a conference for a couple of weeks he returns to be questioned.

"Bruce" she says, "I thought you said you have the only one in the world. But Harry at the drug store has one too!

"Well, err" Bruce flusters, "Harry and I were in the war together, I had two, so I gave him one of mine".

"Oh, why did you give him the best one?"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 29 2000 7:34AM

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried.
"My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Bill, the Canadian people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the Prime Minister.

"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Chretien.

Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color; at least 8" long and 3" in diameter?" said Clinton.

"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to America."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red, white & blue in color; at least 8" long and 3" in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the Prime Minister, "and print 'MADE IN CANADA. SIZE:SMALL' on each one."



-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', May 30 2000 3:51PM

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable."


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Jun 17 2000 6:24AM

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail. When they arrived, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
She got out her "blow-up" dolls, put them in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I'm SURE mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast... she farted and flew out the window!"


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Jun 17 2000 6:35AM

A young Naval student was being put through the paces by an old
sea-captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir."

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?"

"Throw out another anchor."

"Hold on," said the Captain, "where are you getting all your anchors
from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir...."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Aug 12 2000 3:58AM

-Viet (Dduc), Aug 16 2000 11:13PM

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought he comes up with a clever idea that he thinks will scare the kids away for sure. So he makes up a sign and posts it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, which says, "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with rat poison."
So the kids run off and make up their own sign, which they post next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next day to look over his field. He notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives over to the sign and takes a look.
It says: "Now there are two."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 18 2000 4:45PM

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench.

"Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this
court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 20 2000 5:23PM

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different.

I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around
barking."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 20 2000 5:24PM

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench.

"Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this
court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 20 2000 5:27PM

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench.

"Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this
court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 20 2000 5:30PM

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the
paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of
paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color
that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your
paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 31 2000 3:44AM

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asks gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio'(T.O), Aug 31 2000 7:11AM

After two years of marriage, Tom was still questioning his wife about her lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," Tom asked for the thousandth time, "how many men have you been with?"
"Baby, " she protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."
Tom promised he wouldn't get angry, and convinced his wife to tell him.
"Okay," she said, then started to count on her fingers: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - then nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen..."


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Sep 5 2000 11:47PM




A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference
between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts
out, "You'd be his wife!"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Sep 16 2000 10:07AM




Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big, what kind of car you get will depend on your answer."
The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How long were you married?"
The first guy says, "24 years."
"Did you ever cheat on your wife?" Peter asked.
The guy says, "Yeah, 7 times... but you said I was forgiven!"
Peter says, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto."
The second guy says, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out good."
Peter says, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."
The 3rd guy walks up and says, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"
Peter says, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"
A few days later, the 2 guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto see the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk. When they ask him what's wrong, he says, "I just saw my wife, and she was on a SKATEBOARD !"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Sep 16 2000 10:14AM




This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"
"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Sep 16 2000 10:25AM




A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing
computer games.

In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his
schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Sep 23 2000 2:41PM




Taxes

A Frenchman was explaining the red, white and blue French flag to an American. "Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Sep 23 2000 2:43PM




One day a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will
cost to extract wisdom teeth.

"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper
way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60."

"That's still too expensive," the man says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $20."

"Nope," moans the man. "It's still too much."

"Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my
students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just
$10."

"Marvelous," says the man. "Book my wife for next Tuesday!"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Oct 11 2000 6:44PM





A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the
manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?"

"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."

The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"

"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos?
Nachos?"

The manager shrugs, "Sorry."

"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.

"Nope. Don't have that."

"My God!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should
close the stinking store!"

The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Oct 11 2000 6:48PM





Chuye^.n Ky` Ky`
* Giai ñoaïn yeâu nhau:

- Em laø ngöôøi con gaùi "kyø dieäu", gaëp ñöôïc em bao noãi buoàn tan bie^'n

* Sau ngaøy cöôùi ít laâu:

- Em ñuùng laø "kyø laï" thaät! nhöõng chuyeän vôù vaãn nhö vaäy maø tin ñöôïc a`û

* Ñöôïc hai, ba maët con:

- Baø thaät laø "kyø cuïc". Coù baïn beø toâi maø baø noùi nhö vaäy maø nghe ddöôïc!

* Vaø baây giôø:

- Thoâi toâi khoâng baøn vôùi nhöõng ngöôøi laøm "kyø ñaø" caûn muõi nhö baø!



-Viet(DDuc), Oct 11 2000 8:44PM


delete

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add another 30.
Another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
What is the total?
Scroll down




Did you get 5000?

CONTINUE SCROLLING DOWN









Seems most people do.

The answer actually is 4100. Don't believe it?? Try it with your
calculator.

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Oct 16 2000 5:41PM




A girl, who was not quite four years old, was alone in the house when the/phone rang. She answered it and was told that Mr. Brown was calling. "I'm sorry, no one is here. Can I take a message?" she said.

Mr Brown replied, "Certainly."

After a pause, Mr. Brown heard, "O.K., I'm ready. Who did you say this is?"

"Mr. Brown."

"How do you spell Brown?"

"B-r-o-w-n."

A long pause, and then, "How do you make a B?"

-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Nov 5 2000 9:52PM




DKG o+i,
Mong la` DKG -da~ khoe? ha(?n. Chu'c DKG la.i pho+?n pho+, ye^u -do+`i.
-Xuye^n Ta^m Nha~n, Nov 6 2000 6:33PM




Ba'c XTN o+i !
Ca'm o+n Ba'c vo+'i lo+`i tha(m
Kho?e thi` chu+a Kho?e ,
Ye^u DDo+`i cu~ng chu+a
Ye^u Ngu+o+`i ddau va^~n ddong ddu+a
Ne^'u mai co' Kho?e : Kho^ng chu+`a , va^~n Ye^u !
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Nov 7 2000 0:12AM




"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," replied his patient, "I'll come back when you are
sober."



-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Nov 18 2000 12:44PM




At a company in the UK, a Quality Initiative made use of posters around the office featuring parts of motivating words such as: 'S CCESS' and 'VAL E'.

This was supposed to make you think that what was missing was 'U' (you).

However, to the joy of the staff, a handwritten addition to the posters
appeared.

It was the single word: 'B LL'.


-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Nov 18 2000 12:45PM




A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied readily. 'Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Mar 11 2001 9:40AM




Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times... When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know, I think you bring me bad luck!" .
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Mar 11 2001 9:45AM




Vocabulary Problem?
===================

A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn."

"I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you?" asked the nurse on duty.

"Yes," said the girl. "I want to have a 'contamination.'"

"You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her.

"Well I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway."

"I'm sure you mean the maternity ward."

To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination; fraternity, maternity.... What's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant."

Wishing Well
============

A couple is taking a stroll in a lovely meadow when they come upon a wishing well. The woman leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a quarter. Her husband decides he wants to make a wish, also.
Unfortunately, he leans over too far, falls down into the well, and drowns. The woman stands there shaken for a moment, and then exclaims, "HOLY COW, IT WORKS!!
-DDo^`-Khi?-Gio', Mar 17 2001 7:35AM